When You’re Messy, You Just Gotta Smile

When You’re Messy, You Just Gotta Smile

Shepherds

My grandchildren were staying with us for a few days.  One night after they settled down to sleep, I listened in by the bedroom door to their conversation.  My granddaughter (age 8), whispered to her brother (age 7), "Who do you love most:  God or mom?"  "Oh," my grandson replied thoughtfully, "that's a good question!"  After a few seconds, he said, " I'll say 'God'......because if I don't, He might do something bad to me."  I quietly chuckled, but then the seriousness of his comment hit me:  He thinks God is looking for an excuse to punish him? 

We form beliefs about God.  We have our ‘God box’.  We try to define him.  We have expectations of what God should do and how He should act….and then, when he doesn’t follow our agenda, we get angry.  We assume He doesn’t care or isn’t strong enough to do anything.  What’s in your ‘God box’?  What is God like?  Where did your beliefs  come from?
 

Psalm 23 says:  "The Lord is my Shepherd..."

This sounds good, if you have a clue about what shepherds do.  I sing about shepherds in Christmas carols, but I've never been around sheep enough to know what it takes to care for them.  So, I Googled it.  It seems important that if God describes himself as 'My Shepherd', it would help me 'know Him' better if I appreciated just what a shepherd does.  Do sheep really need a shepherd?  Can’t they take care of themselves?  What type of person makes a ‘good shepherd’?

Some of the things I read helped me appreciate God as ‘My Shepherd’ much more.   The lid on my ‘God box’ cracked a little.  Here are some of the shepherd’s characteristics I found.  Does God looks like this to you?

Protector:  Sheep are very vulnerable to a variety of predators.

Provider:   The shepherd provides daily needs of food, water and shelter.  When sheep are eating, they don’t pay attention to where they are wandering and the shepherd must watch so they don’t get lost or hurt.

Caring:  Injuries and sickness require attention from the shepherd. 
These 3 statements weren't such a surprise to me.  But the next two statements made God and his care for me seem very special:
1.  Sheep probably respond more to proper care and attention than any other farm animal. (Isn't it interest that 'sheep' is what God choose to compare us to.)  

2.  A good shepherd will always know what is going on with his sheep.  The sheep recognize their shepherd’s voice.  He must be intimate with each of them individually-not just as a group -and should know their weaknesses and their strengths.

God - He's ‘My Shepherd’ - He chose that title for himself.  That's a very different image than the ‘mad-mean-ready-to-let-me-have-it’ God that may be in my ‘God box’ or my grandchildren’s ‘God box’.

Let's never assume we've got God all figured out!   Go to God – with no preconceived ideas – no demands – simply asking to know him.  Then, don't be surprised if your 'beliefs' get shaken up.  Don't be afraid if your 'God box' cracks a little....that's how light gets in!
     

Grandma Sue’s Bible Adventures in Rhyme….to share with the children in your life:

Psalm 23:1 “The Lord is my Shepherd….”

A Shepherd does a lot of work to take care of his sheep.

He has to watch and keep them safe each time they go to sleep.

If there is any danger, like a lion, wolf or bear,

The sheep will be protected.  They’re in the Shepherd’s care.

What if a sheep is weak or hurt and cannot walk a mile?

The Shepherd says, “I’ll carry you - for a little while.” 

There must be water for the sheep and lots of grass to eat.

They also need to rest sometimes; lie down, get off their feet.

The Shepherd knows just what they need.  He always stays close by.

He never lets them out of sight.  He watches with his eye.

God says that I am like the sheep.  I need a lot of care.

And He will be my Shepherd.  He always will be there. 

MY ADVENTURE PART 4: Get'n Free

Time to sidetrack a little for a short Bible study: 
I like the Old Testament.  I love the stories and history there. When I struggle, I am too close to the situation to understand the big picture, so reading about experiences of others helps me understand things that might be happening in my own life.
The story of Moses talks about a time that the Children of Israel lived under terrible slavery in Egypt.  Back breaking slavery.  They were forced to make bricks by hand and build things for the King.  Whippings and beatings and death were everyday happenings.  For years and years the people cried out to God to set them free.  God heard them.  He chose Moses to lead them out of slavery into freedom.  (You remember the movie...Charlton Heston...the parting of the Red Sea.)  These people who had been beaten and treated cruelly for years, now watch as God begins to shake things up.  Amazing displays of God's power are used to convince Pharaoh to "Let My People Go!"  God sends plagues of frogs, gnats, flies, sick animals, locus, hail, boils, water turning to blood, and even death.  Finally, Pharaoh says they can go.  They are free.  FREE!!!  No more brick making.  No more whippings.  They can walk away.  God is going to lead them to a land 'flowing with milk and honey'.
At first they celebrate.  They are so thankful.  They sing and dance.  Then....it gets tough.  It's scary out there in the desert.  They get hungry - and God sends food.  For a while they relax and trust God to care for them.  It gets scary again.  They get thirsty - which causes panic.  Guess what they say?  "Moses, why did you take us out of Egypt?"  They wanted to run back to Egypt, back to slavery.  Why?  Because that's where they felt safe.  Even though it was awful and they were slaves.....it was what they knew.  It was their security.
I can relate.  I've watched this cycle happen to others close to me and watched it happen in my own life.  We pray and ask God to 'set us free' from something.  It might be:  Debt.  Stress.  Miserable jobs.  Abusive relationships.  Fear.  Wrong belief's.  Depression.  Complaining.  Sleeplessness.  Addictions.  Worry.  Anger.  Bitterness.  Inability to trust.  Guilt.  Unforgiveness.....and on and on.  All of these things are able to keep us from being free. Then, when God begins to shake things up in order to start the 'get'n free' process, we panic and want to run back to 'Egypt'.
I can see many times that God spotlighted an areas of my life that needed to be set free.  And He usually spotlights areas by shaking things up.  Sometimes He uses frogs. I've had to face wrong beliefs I've held since childhood that have kept me bound.  Sometimes He uses hail.  I've dealt with paralyzing fear.  Sometimes he allows death....(not always physical death, but death of a dream.)  I've had to let my demands go that I was placing on my children to be who and what I thought they should be.
Before the shake-up begins, I might hate my Egypt (my slavery), but I'm not leaving it.  That's too scary.  Leaving has too many unknowns.  I know how to live in my slavery.   I am used to that.  So, God adds some locus.   Not to be mean to me, but to get me moving so He can set me free.  And I begin to follow Him.  Kinda' excited.  Kinda' thankful.  Kinda' scared.  Wondering every step: CAN I REALLY trust God?  The future looks hopeful. But what if I get hungry?  What if I get thirsty?  What if, what if, what if....
And what do I do?  I usually want to run back to Egypt.  I felt more secure there.  But little by little, I learn to trust.  I've walked through major moves and job changes and unknown tomorrows, and found out that on the other side of change, life can be 'not only okay', but usually better.
I truly believe this current adventure is just another shake up....in order for God to, yet again, set me free.  Hey, where did all these flies come from?  Anyone have a fly swatter?
More to come as year #2 is just a few miles ahead......

MY ADVENTURE PART 3: The Struggle Inside

I don't think you can rank struggle.  "My struggle is much worse than yours..." type of thinking.  When you are struggling, in a dark place, fearful and worried - no matter what got you there, you are there.  The way we each choose to react to our struggles may look different on the outside, but probably have many similarities inside.  Guilt is a strong one for me.  I find myself thinking '...it's got to be my fault.  I didn't make a smart decision, or I should have handled things differently.'  There's blame. (I'm good at deciding it's my husbands fault most of the time!)  Anger loves to creep in.  Resentment and bitterness can hold on tight.  Anger towards God happens a lot.  Thoughts like, "Does God even CARE what's happening to me?" "Why doesn't He do anything?" "Maybe God's not capable of helping or just doesn't want to" or "God's probably not going to help me because I deserve this."
Year #1 contained ALL of the above.  I think these emotions and thoughts hit especially when we feel worn out and discouraged.   But this isn't the first time I've faced struggle. I have lived through many other seasons in my life where I felt like my world was falling apart.  I've lived through the 'stomach in knots'.  I've carried deep resentment toward my husband for 'getting us into this mess'.  I've lashed out.  I've cried. I've laid awake all night.  I've gone into the bathroom and grabbed a scissors and in a mixture of anger and deep grief, chopped my hair off.  I've felt like my head was going to explode.  I've refused to read the Bible.  I've stayed away from church.  I've shaken my fist at God and yelled at Him through tears, "If this is the reward I get for serving you, why would anyone serve you anyway?"
I sure want life to be easy and fun!  I am being told all the time that it is suppose to be that way, right?  TV commercials are the best! "I deserve it!"  "Now is better than later!"  "VISA - it's everywhere you want to be!"  And the messages about marriage.....Oh, my gosh!....9 times out of 10, the message is:  if you're not happy.....GET OUT!  But the truth is....life is messy.  Life can be hard!  Commitment ain't easy.  Being dead tired and having to get up with a sick child - again -  doesn't add 'warm fuzzies' to your life.  Facing unemployment and/or foreclosure can bring on panic. Feeling lonely is lonely. Fear is scary.  And no one learns how to deal with struggle without struggling through struggle.  We struggle.  We learn.  We struggle.  We learn.
The older I get, the easier it is to look back and see the small baby steps of progress that have grown out of the struggles.  And from each struggle, I have picked up and carried another piece of 'truth' that I have learned about God and myself and life, and tucked it away in my pocket for safe keeping.  These truths that I've learned through struggle are deep down in my heart.  They have become a part of me.  They are not just head knowledge that I have read somewhere and memorized, but truth that I have struggled with and wrestled with and cried over and they have become attached and woven right into my heart.  More of My Adventure to come, but first.....
Where are you right now in your struggle?  Do you think God is just floating around on a cloud up there in the sky, and all of a sudden looks down and says, "Oh, Myself!  What's happening?"  NOT TRUE. God is VERY aware of what is happening.  He cares.  He is involved.  I've noticed, though, that He doesn't act in the way that I demand of Him.  I'm not above Him to order Him around.  I'm not in charge.  He is.  And He has a plan....
"Our world is fallen. Somehow, through it all, God is telling a good story.  Nothing will ever happen that God cannot redeem to move the story along to a glorious finale'."   (Larry Crabb)
Surrender to, get to know, learn about...that God."    

MY ADVENTURE PART 2: New Paths

I was not born with an internal GPS.  I have no sense of direction.  In fact, if I tell you to turn right, you probably should turn left.  I love to be the driver, but very often, my passengers will hear me say, "Where am I?  How did I get here?"  Life feels like that, too.  And if you are just looking closely at each moment of your life, like looking closely at one puzzle piece, you can think you're understanding the whole puzzle, but when that puzzle piece is snapped into place and you back up and take a look - now seeing a bigger area of the puzzle - things might look different. 
With all income gone, I began job searching and was happy to begin a new career 'cookin' coffee', as I like to call it.  It was a fast pace, physically challenging job.  But, it got me out into my community and forced me to grow in my people skills, my memory skills and my physical endurance. I worked with a great team of people who have become good friends.  I was also trying my hand at writing children's books.  I am known, in my family, for writing funny, sarcastic poems that might pop up in a birthday card, or Christmas letter.  I decided to put my quirky rhyming skills to work making Bible stories fun for kids to read. 
My husband took a sales job that aided people in selling their homes on-line, and on the side, began developing a company to help condo associations deal with abandoned condo units.  Also, during year #1, he began the process of getting his real-estate license, knowing that this would allow him to expand more in both pursuits.
Financial decisions had been made during year #1.  We were asking for a home loan modification - which we had gotten and were current on.  We had cashed in all of our retirement money and paid off our credit cards completely. We were able to stay current on our car loan.  The college loan was on hold.  And surprisingly, we were able to sit down with our list of monthly bills and found several things we could cut out.  How about that!  
Our puzzle was starting to take shape......or was it?
Near the end of year #1 of this new journey we were on, we began to suspect that things were not all well and good with the sales company my husband worked for and he was informed early in year #2 that they were filing bankruptcy.  And after almost a year's worth of work laying the foundations for his 'new company', he watched his dream die after 3 court hearings which didn't produce the legal support needed.
More puzzle pieces. 

Year #2 is right around the next bend........

MY ADVENTURE PART 1: Beginnings

Someone told me - years ago - to look at my life and my marriage as MY ADVENTURE!  Those words have helped me when I have been facing any scary, unknown curve in the road.   Once again, MY ADVENTURE is blazing new territory.......
We are moving from a 4 bedroom condo in a beautiful 'planned community'. The last 5 years have been a crazy ride.  We had been renters and worked 10 years to dig out of debt.  We were free from debt, and very committed to keeping it that way.
Our condo went from being rentals to selling to individual owners.  At that very moment in time, my husband and I both had good paying jobs.  We decided to take the plunge.  (cashing in a little retirement to have the down payment.)
The very same month we moved in as owners, I lost my job.  4 months later, I opened a notice that came in the mail from the tax assessment people.  Our mortgage payment would increase by $600 a month for one year to make up for last years tax deficiency and this years tax increase.  Each month was a struggle, but we kept our heads above water.
Then, part of my family moved in with us because they were having marriage and financial struggles (2 adults and 2 children).  During this time, our commitment to live within our means slowly eroded, and our credit card debt began to build.  We lived like this for about 2 years.
The next ADVENTURE happened March 20, 2009 at 4:30 pm on a Friday.  My husband, a top paid  manager in the company he'd worked for 14 years, received a phone call saying, "You're done!"  With a one weeks pay as our good-bye gift, we began the journey of "Now What?"  This took place right when Florida was starting to fall apart from the financial crises in our country.  Unemployment, foreclosure....Florida ranked on top, and now we did our part to help those numbers out.
We had tried to make smart choices with our money.  Periodically, we would get out our list of monthly bills and look them over to see what we could cut.  Everything seemed necessary...or at least within reason.  We had overspent sometimes, but some of the biggest over-spends had been to help out a family member in need.  We used the credit card - at first JUST for business that we would pay monthly, but over the years we got sloppy and charged 'just gotta have it' stuff.  We had loans for house, 2 cars, college.  But, didn't we HAVE to do it this way.
The little voice in the back of our heads said, "NO!"...but it was a very little voice.
.......follow MY ADVENTURE....more to come.

2011: The Year of Cuddling

At the beginning of each new year, my husband and I began the tradition of naming the year.  It's a way to state a goal or challenge or hope of what the new year will bring.  We have been married 32 years, so we've gone through many names, such as:  The Year of Peace, The Year of No Debt, The Year of Relationships, The Year of Laughter and on and on. 
I am a deep thinker and love to analyze life.  This can be helpful, but sometimes (usually) it is annoying.  Underneath the mask of being 'psychologically in-touch' I've realized it is much more of a control issue.  My husband gets tired of this habit of mine.  One day, he said, "being married to you is like a never ending counseling session."  I don't think that was a compliment. 
So, here I was 'thinking deeply' about a meaningful name to give 2011.  I was considering 'The Year of Letting Go', or 'The Year of Freedom......
I brought the subject up to my husband.  "What do you think we should name 2011?"
After just a quick pause, he said, "How about 'The Year of Cuddling?"
"Well," I laughed, "since that NEVER occurred to me....I suppose that's what it should be."
Cuddling.  It says it all:  enjoying the moment, no fear, fun, laughter, relaxed, caring about each other, trust....
"2011:  The Year of Cuddling"  It's official!

Broken

When I look back at my mothering years, I get lost in the memories of just how broken I was as a mother.  I didn't really notice it in my early years, when babies were first born and motherhood was just beginning.  In fact, things looked pretty good from the outside.  We looked like a sweet little family.  And God knows, I tried.  I've always driven myself to do it right.  I wanted to be the best mother, the best wife, the best everything. 
But, I lived each day carrying around ugly baggage.  This baggage, this brokenness, drove me in the way I made decisions.  It was the force behind ways I protected myself, ways I interacted in relationships.  It shaped my behavior and the way I related to my children and husband.  It wasn't until my 2 daughters were preschool age that circumstances in my life forced me to begin to face my brokenness.  So, many of my mothering years were spent trying to raise children (added baby #3) while much of my focus was on dealing with my 'junk'. 
How can a broken mom raise not-broken kids?  I can see the brokenness in my children.  They are amazing, talented, smart, funny adults.  They love with commitment.  They are kind.  They are sensitive. They are engaged in life.  They are hard workers.  They are passionate and individual thinkers.  But, they are broken.  They have scars and hurts that are deep in their hearts.  They have ways of protecting themselves.  They have fears.  As a mom, I want to rush in and fix it.  I don't want my kids to hurt.  I don't want them to struggle.  But I can't fix it - in them or in me.
Broken.  Isn't that why Jesus came?  God knew of our brokenness.  God knew we couldn't fix it our self.  God knew we would come up with tons of ways to try.  And we still do.  We try to be good enough.  We try to do it right.  We try.  But we can't.  This, to me, is the simplest message of God's love gift to us:  I am broken.  I can't fix it.  God sent His Son.  Jesus.  Jesus fixed it. 
In God's eyes, I am not broken.  My kids are not broken. We are perfect and complete, because Jesus gave himself as a sacrifice for us and fixed forever our brokenness.  To walk in that truth is freedom.  The brokenness is there, yes, but that's not what I need to focus on or carry around feelings of regret about.  I am whole.  My kids are whole.  Not because us our efforts - even though the 'dealing with stuff' still continues - but because the 'fixing' is finished.  It was finished on the cross. 

SURVEY REQUEST: Loosing it .... without loosing it.

I have a curious subject that's been rolling around in my head.  LOSS.  It hits everyone.  It hits in very different ways:  financial loss, death, illness, pain, unfaithfulness, divorce, missing child, job, relationship, miscarriage, not able to get pregnant, homelessness, foreclosure, bankruptcy, business, fire, natural disaster, jail-time, and on and on.
Some people handle loss through:  suicide, murder, drugs, alcohol, divorce, anger, depression....and never come out of the darkness.  And yet, some people handle the very same loss and survive.  They may go 'through the valley' and experience true darkness on their journey...but they survive.  They come out stronger than they went in.  They come out of the darkness....somehow.

Have you experienced significant loss and come out of the darkness?  I would like to hear about it.  If you are willing, would you share your story?  Here are some questions I'd like for you to answer in your sharing:
1.  What was your loss?
2.  What were your darkest days like?  (your thoughts, emotions, relationships, etc)
3.  What did you believe about God when the loss happened and during your dark days? 
4.  What kept you from staying in the pain and began your journey out?
5.  How long has it been since the loss?
6.  How is life different now than before the loss?
7.  What do you believe about God now?

I'd love to hear from you.

FREEEEEEDOOOOOOM (to quote a famous movie line)

We 'humans' were given a very special gift.....choice /freewill.  It was given to us by our Creator.  It was His design.  Shouldn't we be extending and encouraging that same 'gift of choice' to the people in our lives?  In fact, isn't it a way of 'honoring' His creation to allow others that same freedom?  Yet, why is it that we work SO hard to control others - especially those we are closest to?  We work overtime to control our spouse, our kids, our friends, etc.  Why are we like this?

Our intentions may be good.  For example:  maybe we've 'been there' and know the dangers in the road ahead and we want to protect others (especially our kids) from those dangers. Many times our intentions are a little more self-centered.  We secretly think, "Maybe, if I can just get them to _________,  I will feel more secure and loved."  Even as I write this, I am struggling with my insecurities over conflict that I feel in my own family.  I hate conflict.  I go into a panick mode emotionally when I think someone is upset with me or my husband.  I think and plan, trying to figure out how to solve any uncomfortable situation.  I put pressure on my husband to 'act' a certain way - to always keep 'peace' and not say anything to upset.  I am overly sensitive to it.  If I can keep a person from getting upset with me or disappointed with me, I feel secure - safe.

Here's the confusing part:  We are instructed to help, come along side, encourage, love, pray for, cry with and laugh with the people in our lives.  Love does get messy sometimes as we get involved with the lives of those around us.  We are to pursue peace and get along with each other.

Helping is one thing....but being a helper can easily slide into our 'mission to control'.  How are we to know when we have morphed from loving, helping and caring to controlling?  Ask yourself:  who is doing all the work here - me, or the person I am trying to help?  Is the one being helped taking initiative, or just basking in the warmth of being the 'center of attention'....and demanding more and more warmth?  Am I working to control something that I can't possibly have control over (like someone else's emotions and thoughts and choices).

Bottom line:  PEOPLE WILL DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.  You can't change anyone.  Only God can.  You can't force it - long term, anyway.  Let God be God.  He's handling the role just fine.(Do you believe that?  If you are 'controlling'...you probably struggle with that truth.)  Usually, we end up getting in God's way when we step over that line and are now trying to do His job.  He really can handle it. Use your strength to choose to surrender to Him and trust Him to work.  That takes real strength.

Heaven.....?

Do you want to hear a really wild thought?  I'm still considering it as I write this.  Here it is:  The other day, I thought about going back and visiting a church I had spent several years at.  It was a church I had not only attended, but given many hours of service to.  The church experience ended with many hurt feelings and several broken relationships.  When we pass on the street, we are all polite, but our eyes tell the story of hurt feelings.  My thought of going back to that church held a lot of fast memories pouring through my brain:  people I know that either hurt me or probably feel as if I hurt them.  Misunderstandings.  Disappointments.  Polite, but strained relationships.  Then, I had another thought.  This is the thought I mentioned at the beginning as a 'wild' thought.  THIS IS WHAT HEAVEN WILL BE LIKE...at least at first.  There I'll be....standing before the throne.....shoulder to shoulder with other believers....and as I look at the faces of these other believers, I will see someone that hurt me...I will see someone that I assume thinks I hurt them.....I will see someone that disappointed me...and then I will see someone else that I will be sure looks at me with the same hurt.  I know the Bible says God will wipe away our tears....I think some of those tears might be dealing with these kind of things.  Those people, that go to church each Sunday...that I spent many 'working' hours with.....that hurt me....that I hurt....will end up spending eternity together.   Interesting.  Let that thought sink in for a minute.  Maybe.......maybe.....those broken relationships should be bridged today.......????  Maybe......???? 

Do I have to do something, or can I just watch?

My granddaughter asked me to come with her and 'see something'.  I quickly asked, "Do I have to do   something, or can I just watch?"  Then I paused and laughed out loud.  "This is exactly how I approach life...." I said to myself....."Do I have to do something, or can I just watch?"  It's much less scary to stand back and watch -  then to stand up, step in and "DO SOMETHING".  There's no risk in watching.  There is risk in getting involved.  I'm just sayin'....

Freedom Journey Report

One of my favorite books is titled "What was I thinking?   Things I have learned since I knew it all." by Steve Brown.   I feel like that so often.  I look back at my 'mothering' years .... during most of them, I was trying to raise 3 kids and I hadn't even begun to deal with my own growing up issues.  Looking back, I see myself as a hurting, defensive, confused kid on the inside trying to be a mature wife and mother on the outside.  I always felt pressure to 'do it right' and encourage others to 'do it right'....but so much of the 'right' was more of a pretend facade'....an 'I've got my life all together' picture for the world to see.  I always felt pressure to 'be an example'.  But, how can a kid even know how to 'be an example'...and then, an example of what?  My perfectness?  huh  Where do we get these ideas?  Living with this pressure is exhausting.  A lot of my life's journey, I have felt like God is slowly.....very slowly....working to set me free.  Free from wrong beliefs of who He is.  Free from pressure I put on myself and everyone else to BE something...not sure what, but something.    Free to actually love and trust people.  I could go on and on listing all the areas that I've been and still am bound in wrong thinking.  I've gone through so many life situations that challenged what I believe....made me go back and rethink things.  It's softened me.  Made me more compassionate  to the pain and struggles of others. Made me more honest - to deal with my own junk. Given me a desire to stop pretending.  Be real - honest - open with others.  I guess that's what age does, if you let it.  I always figured that by the time I was a in my 50's - I'd have life all figured out and be very strong and solid in my opinions and beliefs.  But....not so much.  I want to keep going on this freedom journey. 

Lighten the Load

I'm doing this right now.....again.....and it feels like FREEDOM.  Did you know that the same things that feel like "security"....things, more things, prettier things....  Can be the same 'things' that make you feel bound?  I also heard that most hoarders also struggle with weight issues. Interesting isn't it.  Hanging on.  Drawing 'things' close to give comfort.  'Things' can bring comfort - of course. (Like a thick soft pair of slippers!)  But they can also become a trap that keeps us from 'dancing'. 
I choose.....dancing!

Is It Perfect Yet?

To all of you ladies out there:  moms, grandmothers, girl-friends, sisters, wives,
....remember....Thanksgiving has nothing to do with trying to make the day perfect.  You can't control that anyway, even if you try.  So relax.  Let the day flow and enjoy it as it plays out.